|Posted on February 5, 2015 at 4:00 AM|
“I don't see divorce as a failure. I see it as the end to a story. In a story, everything has an end and a beginning.” Olga Kurylenko
Today’s Book: The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions By Christopher K. Germer
Unfortunately, divorce is commonplace in today’s society. The ending of any serious or long term relationship can be challenging to overcome, but divorce and legal separation are fraught with even more tough issues.
You might find yourself moving on a little too quickly without taking the necessary time to pull yourself together. Or you may languish in a state of misery far too long. Either could be devastating to your progression and delay you in your efforts to achieving your goals and your future success.
Rarely is anyone ever taught how to deal with divorce or separation before it happens. It’s a confusing situation that requires tact and gentleness in dealing with yourself! But like many other challenging situations, this type of relationship break down provides a lot of opportunities, too, especially when it comes to learning about yourself!
Here are some steps to help you heal from divorce or the breakdown of any long term relationship:
1. Spend time with people that care about you and support you. We all have friends and family that are highly supportive and caring - those who love you. We also have friends and family that believe in “tough love.” Seek out what you need and avoid the other. Now is the time to enjoy the company of those that will actually help you.
2. Seek to understand what went wrong in the relationship. Whenever we achieve undesirable results, there’s the opportunity to learn something. Was he simply the wrong type of man? Was she too jealous? Did you spend too much time at work? Did you fail to make enough of an effort to get along with the other family?
- Learn everything you can from your relationship and vow not to repeat your mistakes. Imagine how easy life would be if you never made the same mistake twice.
3. Forgive everyone involved. That means forgiving your ex and yourself. You both did the best you could under the circumstances with the information you were given at that time. Now you can learn and move on. Don’t dwell playing the blame game. Accept this is where you are now and realize in the end, it might have been the best outcome for everyone involved. Forgiveness is a form of love in the Universe. Send that signal out!
4. Take time for you. Now is the perfect opportunity to get in shape, go back to school, make new friends, or take up a new hobby. Show yourself some Love!
- You can recreate yourself and forge a new life that fills you with joy and enthusiasm. There are few other times in your life that will provide a similar opportunity. So go ahead and transform yourself – Dream More, Do More – Start Living the Life You Know You Deserve!!! That’s my motto….
5. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Reduce your workload and avoid people and situations that drain you. Eat well, get some exercise and start getting the right amount of rest. A massage wouldn’t be a bad idea, either. Love your human form - treat your body like the temple it is for your soul!
6. Pay attention to your finances. The end of a relationship many times brings economic challenges. Get some expert assistance if you need it, but avoid ignoring the financial implications of your divorce or separation.
7. Consider seeking outside support. Sometimes we need to talk to someone that’s less familiar to us than our friends and family.
- Make some new friends or join a support group. You might even want to join a religious or spiritual group. There are also online communities that provide an anonymous way to purge your emotions.
- Seek out professional help if you feel that you’re struggling.
- As difficult as it may seem, stay positive! Remember, if you let yourself fall into negative energy you will attract more of that to you. So the more positive you stay the more positive energy you will have.
8. Re-enter the dating world slowly. Most people need at least a year or two after ending a long-term relationship before starting another one. Entering a serious relationship too soon frequently results in heartache for everyone involved. Give yourself some time before dating again and move forward slowly. Let love develop slowly with someone else and remember - noone can love you if you don't love yourself!
9. Hang in there. There are bound to be good days and bad days. Things will get easier over time. Tomorrow is another day with new opportunities. It will be easier if you expect to have a few bumps along the way.
Divorce is challenging, I know – I’ve been through it myself, but it also provides an excellent opportunity to take your life in a new direction. Take the all the time you need to heal and forgive (including yourself) before you move on. But avoid taking longer than necessary. Life is short, and it’s important to live it fully.
When you are ready to transition for where you are now to the life you know you deserve and can use some coaching assistance contact me and we can work through this together. I want you to succeed because you are worth it!
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Your Life Coach
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